Bad Moods at Work = Bad Moods in Your Kids
Posted on 09. Nov, 2011 by Adrian in Blog, Orange
Having a tough day at work? According to the Harvard Business Review, if you take a bad mood home with you it can rub off on your kids.
It turns out that kids’ sense of well-being is most affected by their working parent’s moods at the end of the day, at least that’s according to research from Boston College. Another recent study from Vanderbilt University saw increased bullying from children who feel their working fathers don’t spend enough time with them. Interesting, however, the study found no link between bullying and the hours their parents’ work when the kids felt their fathers gave them adequate attention.
Here are some simple ways to better connect with your kids after a tough workday:
Say “stay.” As you leave the office, say out loud “Stay” to all the worries (like you would to a troublesome puppy). This simple technique can help you separate your worlds and help you give your loved ones all your attention.
Talk in the car. Sometimes the best conversations with kids aren’t across from each other at the dinner table—where they feel as if they’re in a Senate inquisition—but side by side in your car. Find an excuse to ride together at least a few times a week, and then ask them what’s happening in their lives.
Have a family night. Reserve one night every week for family time. Allow no friends or distractions, just games or movies or other activities that you enjoy doing together.
Read together. When they are little read to them every night. When they get older, read books at the same time. My 15-year-old son Tony is now reading “Outliers.” I tried just handing it to him, but it sat on his desk for months. So I told him about some of the ideas inside and tried to get his interest piqued.
Work on their goals. I played lots of soccer growing up, but my entire career as a goalie consisted of a two-minute stretch when I was 10 and I begged my coach to let me play in net. After letting in the only shot I faced, he wisely pulled me. So while I know very little about the position, that doesn’t keep me from helping Tony with his goal—getting ready to play in net this upcoming high school season. It’s important to him, so it’s important to me.
Bottom line: As parents, we should remember to leave our bad moods at work and give our kids the attention they need. There are few things more important than an after-work smile.
Think Orange!
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About Adrian Gostick
Adrian Gostick is a global thought leader on workplace strategy and the author of several successful books on employee engagement. The Carrot Principle by Simon & Schuster has been a regular New York Times bestseller, and 24-Carrot Manager has been called a “must read for modern-day managers” by Larry King of CNN. His latest book, The Orange Revolution, was a #1 Wall Street Journal bestseller."
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Adrian,
Thank you for this post! I shared it on the blog I work on, Thrive Happiness Movement.
It is scary to think of the impact our moods have on the well-being of our children. The effects of having a “bad day at the office” are more far-reaching than our own happiness, with our families being directly influenced as well. I believe that this creates a certain degree of responsibility that we must take on. It’s up to us to proactively attempt to leave our bad moods at work- for the good of our families!
I have a question, one of my readers responded that she tended to leave her bad moods at home. What advice would you give her?
Thanks again Adrian,
Ash
Thrive Happiness Movement
Thanks for the comment Ashlee,
We do see this a lot. Some business people are outgoing, witty and personable at work. They are tolerant of mistakes and set a great tone for the whole workplace. But at home they are total opposites. They are apathetic or even negative. They have no time for fun and games.
These folks expend so much energy being magnanimous and gracious to their coworkers that they have precious few drops of cheer left for family.
A wise man once said, “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.” That’s the beauty of the Carrot Principle. It isn’t just for work. It affects all aspects of life. Just like Oprah.
Keep the comments coming. Adrian