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Lying to Kids
October 29, 2009
Have you ever told your kids, nephews or nieces, or grandkids that honesty is the best policy? An interesting article in The Journal of Moral Education suggests we as adults may not always follow that policy when communicating with our children.
While just about all of us encourage our kids to never lie, children’s behavior is largely influenced by our own say authors Heyman and Luu of the University of California San Diego and Lee of the University of Toronto.
The researchers found 88 percent of students say their parents have used a lie to get them to do something or make their lives easier, such as: if you cry in the grocery store the police will come, that rainbow appeared just for you, if you’re not good Santa won’t bring you any presents, if you cross your eyes long enough they’ll stay that way, etc. Here’s the one that haunts me: When my son was four-years-old and a picky eater, I told him that the sandwich in front of him had been prepared by his mother, since he was convinced I couldn’t make acceptable lunches. After he ate the food and said it was fine, I said, “Ha, I made the PB & J!” He was not only royally ticked off by my manipulation, but still remembers my lie to this date—and he’s 14 now.
The morale of the story is this: we need to be careful as parents when telling white lies. We may think they are for the greater good, but if we are caught it can undermine our credibility for a long, long time. Not only that, psychologists say that children are actually quite adept at reading faces and emotional cues. Even if you think you are good with your little white lies, chances are they will pick up on your fibs.
This is a good business lesson too. Most of think we are scrupulously honest. And yet we are rarely as lily white as we believe. The gray areas we play around in business can undermine our credibility with colleagues, bosses and customers.
